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official news source of King Volcano World Industries and the Great Cajun Nation of Israel.
Monday, July 07, 2003
NEW YORK ANNOUNCEMENT: PS 1, Sunday july 27
OKAY KIDS, HERE'S THE DEAL, MARK YOUR CALENDERS.
BRETT DOAR WILL BE AT PS 1 CONTEMPORARY ARTS CENTER, PARTICIPATING IN "SUMMER CELEBRATION", ON JULY 27 (SUNDAY) 2003. 12pm-6pm.
He will be building a siege tower over one of the interior courtyard walls. Summer Celebration is open to the public, especially children, and visitors are welcome to participate. For directions and information about PS 1 go to www.ps1.org .
BRETT DOAR WILL BE AT PS 1 CONTEMPORARY ARTS CENTER, PARTICIPATING IN "SUMMER CELEBRATION", ON JULY 27 (SUNDAY) 2003. 12pm-6pm.
He will be building a siege tower over one of the interior courtyard walls. Summer Celebration is open to the public, especially children, and visitors are welcome to participate. For directions and information about PS 1 go to www.ps1.org .
Sunday, July 06, 2003
re: The Great Cajun Nation of Israel
A lot of people ask me "O Grand Schnafada, what is it like in The Great Cajun Nation of Israel?" It's very nice. We have some nice beaches, and when Mt. Tabasco isn't busy erupting, you can ski. Theoretically you can ski, we don't have snow. It's more like a really slick lava flow, and you have to lug all your stuff up to the top. One of these days we're gonna try to offer helicopter service to the top, to drop you off, but nobody's responded to our want ad (See the Jobs section on www.kingvolcano.org). The temperature averages around 85 degrees, and there's a nice ocean breeze. Also, dress codes are pretty relaxed, and rent is cheap. Shark attacks have been down, but in general I hear that even if you do get attacked by a shark, all you have to do is give it a good solid poke in the eye and it'll release.
Since the phosphate mines have been exhausted, our major industry has become offshore banking. That and the pepper plantations which supply our Tabasco plants. Did you know that Cayenne can be used as an aphrodisiac? All you do is take some powdered cayenne and rub it onto your... well, it's not something that I really recommend, but once the endorphins kick in, word is you're in for a wild ride. Cayenne pepper is also a good shark deterrent, incidentally.
Would you like to visit? Well, of course you would. A lot of people would like to visit, but they can't. We've got pretty restrictive quarantine laws, ever since the Asian Monkey Flu scare of '86. As it turns out, there's no such disease called Asian Monkey Flu, but you try telling that to the people who thought they had it. You wanna see pandemonium? Go to the Great Cajun Mall of Israel on a Sunday, and start sneezing while scratching your armpit and head simultaneously. That place'll be all yours. All the GAP low-rise flat front chinos you can carry. Another factor to add in when planning your vacation is the lack of air service. We have an airfield, but no tower (we just never got around to finishing it: it was too hot that year). Nowadays, we just use it as a fairgrounds for the flea market.
Since the phosphate mines have been exhausted, our major industry has become offshore banking. That and the pepper plantations which supply our Tabasco plants. Did you know that Cayenne can be used as an aphrodisiac? All you do is take some powdered cayenne and rub it onto your... well, it's not something that I really recommend, but once the endorphins kick in, word is you're in for a wild ride. Cayenne pepper is also a good shark deterrent, incidentally.
Would you like to visit? Well, of course you would. A lot of people would like to visit, but they can't. We've got pretty restrictive quarantine laws, ever since the Asian Monkey Flu scare of '86. As it turns out, there's no such disease called Asian Monkey Flu, but you try telling that to the people who thought they had it. You wanna see pandemonium? Go to the Great Cajun Mall of Israel on a Sunday, and start sneezing while scratching your armpit and head simultaneously. That place'll be all yours. All the GAP low-rise flat front chinos you can carry. Another factor to add in when planning your vacation is the lack of air service. We have an airfield, but no tower (we just never got around to finishing it: it was too hot that year). Nowadays, we just use it as a fairgrounds for the flea market.
